Please Stay Here Part Deux
by partsguy
Summary: In case you didn't follow "Please Stay Here" as it continued. Joan has had Ray's child, but continues to live with Morse. The future is uncertain and while they grapple with learning about each other they have to make decisions about their future.


**Please Stay Part Deux**

I have, throughout my life, always hated hospitals. People like to think of them as places where they can get well, but they also are places of misery. Such was not the case for me now. At least if you overlook the fact that there were barely enough chairs, those that were there were probably modeled after something from the Inquisition. And besides the room was tiny. All in all it was very comparable to our apartment.

"Endeavour!"

"umm?"

"Joanie was talking to you, or trying to"

"I'm sorry, I was gathering wool, what did you say?"

"I was asking would you be able to come and pick me and the baby up tomorrow and take us home?"

"of course, do you know the time yet"

"now dear, I know you want to be independent but, well, that place is so small and… we've got plenty of room"

"mom, I know you want to help, but we've talked about this."

"I just want to help dear, I know how hard it can be…"

As I listened to them talking it struck me just how proud I was of her. To have put up with everything, including me these last few months had let me see her in a whole new light. I knew her well enough by now to know that regardless of what society said, she would make it. She and her child. But thankfully she had chosen to allow me to be a part of her world, at least for now.

"Morse!"

"ugh, yes?"

"Try and pay attention, alright. Joanie was talking to you."

"I'm sorry, what was it"

"I don't know what time yet, they said sometimes in the morning they hope."

"Can you call or have someone call. We've got a big case we're working on."

"I'm sure dad will let you get away for a while, won't you dad?

The Inspector looked over at his daughter, twirling his trilby in his hand before answering. "Sure. And Morse is right it is a big case, and we both need to get back"….."Win you going to stay a while."

"Yes, Fred, for a little while at least. I will catch a cab….you two be safe."

We stood to go, the Inspector in the lead, and I started to follow, then caught myself. I went over to her, leaned over and gave her a chaste kiss and a" see you tonight." In turn she gave me a smile a squeeze of the hand and a "please be careful." Then I had to hurry to catch up with the Inspector.

The two of us leaned against the kitchen counter of the apartment, drinking a beer. Strange as was his habit was trying to amuse the baby, without much success. "He's growing like a weed, Miss Thursday, every time I see him, I can tell the difference."

I took another swallow of beer before replying "yeah, growing like a weed and eating like a horse." That earned me a look from Miss Thursday.

"Perhaps it's got something to do with who is doing the feeding, matey. Looks to me as if you have gained a couple of kilos yourself."

"well, he had better watch it because I'm not planning on becoming a seamstress."

"Sounds to me as if you've been warned."

"Jim, I have a question for you, do you think you can put up with us and the baby as well?"

"Miss Thursday, I would be happy to have you and the baby, its Morse I'm not so sure about."

"very funny."

"Seriously, I will be happy for the four of us to share a place. Gets kind of lonesome, and I need an audience for my trombone playing…. Any ideas about a place?"

I must admit to being less than shocked to find that she had already found a couple of places worth looking into. So we agreed that on Saturday we were going to look for a flat. In the meantime there was one beer apiece left. It would be a shame for it to go to waste.

By the end of the weekend we had all agreed on a specific place, and begun the process of moving in. By Wednesday evening we had moved our meagre possessions in. Strange's took longer but by the following weekend we were happily ensconced in our new place. The additional room gave us the ability to breath a bit which was good. What was bad was Miss Thursday had all kinds of projects she wanted done. Strange just couldn't help but tease me, not in front of her of course, about not even being married and Joan already having a "honey-do list a mile long.

The next few months were, to a man who is as much an introvert as I am, as much of a shock as being thrown into an icy river. Before the birth of her child, having Joan living with me hadn't been that much of a change. Of course that wasn't entirely true, sharing my bed every night with a beautiful woman was a huge change. Beyond that the pregnancy had brought its own set of issues but they arose only gradually as the pregnancy advanced. But that was nothing to compare with my new life.

Of course for the first time we had some breathing room, and Jim Strange was an amiable roommate. Surprisingly for a big man he was good in the kitchen, sometimes competing with Joan for cooking honors. Beyond that the biggest change was in our lifestyle. There were times I felt like I was back in college again. Both Joan and Strange had friends who liked to come over, Joan's of course being by far the most numerous. The nights when the girls and Strange got together to play cards were boisterous to the extreme. On those nights it seemed my main task was to keep the music down and mind the baby. Without a doubt however the baby was absolutely Joan's priority. And she was not shy about making that known to anybody who thought otherwise. Still there were many nights when the house was filled with laughter and music, things which had been foreign to me before Joan.

Our relationship with the Thursdays was interesting to say the least. Mrs. Thursday, Win, was always there when Joan needed her help or advice on childhood maladies or needed an emergency babysitter. The inspector, while I believe he has accepted the situation, never forgave me for what had happened. Of course he knew that I had nothing to do with the pregnancy, even so he thought that I had several opportunities to intervene and prevent it. Truth be told I think he really blamed me for the loss of his daughter, so our relationship never truly healed. On the job he was professional and despite my, on several occasions asking whether he would prefer a new sergeant, he never accepted my offer.

"I see him!"….. "Morse you go that side, I'll go this side!"

It happened so quickly I had no idea what was happening. I had the sensation of falling, of dust and things flying past, then I knew I hit something, I literally saw stars in front of my eyes, and everything went black. I have no idea how long I was out but when I came to all I could hear was screaming and the throbbing of my blood in my head. I could hear somebody with an authoritative voice, I think it was Inspector Thursday saying, "has somebody gone and called for an ambulance?" It sounded like somebody was throwing up nearby while somebody else, I think Strange was saying "pull yourself together man!" There were strong hands holding my legs down and I assume that was the person saying over and over "you're going to be alright, help will be here in a minute."

I was able finally to raise myself up with my elbows and get a look at my legs, I couldn't understand how my right leg could be at such an impossible angle. Not only that but it looked a lot like one of the bones was sticking though the skin. Funny how it didn't hurt at all. The last thing I remember was somebody screaming "get the hell out of the way!" And then everything went black.

When I came to I knew I wasn't in our bed, and that the light was on. When I opened my eyes, I was almost blinded by the glare of a fluorescent bulb. I sensed rather than saw that there were people around me talking softly. The color of the walls and the bed that felt absolutely nothing like our bed, told me I was in hospital. My hand was in the grip of a much smaller softer one. Occasionally my forearm was being softly rubbed, evidently by the person's other hand. I was aware that my body hurt, all over it seemed, but my had a feeling of being detached from my body. Both legs were immobilized, and my chest hurt every time I drew a breath, there were muffled voices, but when I tried to turn towards them it caused a sharp pain to run through the back of my neck.

"I think he's awake!" there were other murmured voices then and the next thing I could see was Joan's face looking down on me, and for a moment I had the oddest thought – that it must be raining- but I knew it didn't rain inside. I could see that her makeup had run as if she had been crying, I could tell that she wanted to hug me but couldn't figure out how. Instead she settled for laying her head gently on my chest for a moment before saying, "Morse, you've scared me to death."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." Truth be told I had no ideas what she was talking about. I was trying to understand how I came to be in a hospital bed, but the details were kind of vague.

"They say you're lucky you didn't break your neck…..that if you had gone all the way to the bottom you probably would have."

"I have no idea, don't remember much about it…one moment we were trying to trap him, I was moving in one direction trying to head him off, ..and then…."

She patted me gently on the arm "you're just really lucky you weren't hurt worse." and then her Mom spoke up, "Endeavour, I know things happen, lord knows Fred got injured enough when he was young, but I'm glad you're going to be ok."

"So how long am I going to be here?

"We're waiting for the doctor to come back and he should be able to tell us when I can take you home."

"I hope it's soon."

"Just be patient, I doubt if its tonight, but we'll get you out of here as soon as we can. Mom's going to take help care of the baby while I take care of you."

"Don't you have friends coming over tonight?

She had to laugh at the thought of that, "Oh that, I think maybe you're more important. Or maybe I should just prop you up in a corner and let you play the old wounded warrior and let them fawn all over you. You'd like that wouldn't you?"

"Joanie! You know he needs his rest."

"I'm just teasing Mom,…maybe." I heard the rooms door opening and could see the shape of the doctor approaching the bed. "How do you feel?"

As it turned out I had been more badly hurt than I thought. Besides a broken leg, some broken ribs and a concussion, there was some concern about internal injuries, fortunately those concerns were misplaced. It wasn't until later that evening when Strange and Inspector Thursday got off work and stopped by the hospital that we were able to piece together what had happened. I had been part of a team pursuing a suspect who went into an old industrial building. We had seen him go upstairs which we all thought was rather foolish on his part. Being quicker than my colleagues I had led the pursuit up the stairs. Several of the constables and I had tried to trap him in a corner but evidently, he knew more about the building than we had thought. There was a piece of cardboard or something concealing a hole in the floor, and when I crossed it, I fell through. Fortunately, I suppose, I had hit something on my way down which partially broke my fall.

It was eight long, long days before I was able to be released from the hospital, but it would be another six weeks at least before I was able to return to work. Joan came and stayed with me every evening after work, while her mother kept the baby. Hard work for her, long days, but she didn't complain. Strange came by a couple of times as well and kept me informed on what was going on at the station. Mr. Bright came by on his obligatory visit, wishing me a speedy recovery and expressing his gratitude that I hadn't been injured worse. I suppose it was unkind, but I wondered whether he didn't have the little speech memorized by now.

Of course there was the statement that had to be given regarding the events of that day. More illuminating was a visit from the representative from the personnel branch with forms to be filled out and papers to be signed. It was alarming to learn that since Joan and I were not married she would have received nothing if I were to have been killed. Not from my insurance nor from my pension, small as it might be. During one of her visits I mentioned that to Joan, but she didn't want to discuss it, and I didn't want to push the matter, but I wouldn't forget it.

Learning to use crutches was one of the most frustrating things I've ever tried to do. Before I was released from the hospital, they basically gave me the things, a basic demonstration of how to use them, and as long as I could more or less stand up with them, they were fine with that. They didn't even let me use them to get to the car to go home, I was rolled to it in a wheelchair, put into the vehicle and promptly forgotten.

Spending those days in the hospital had if anything made me appreciate my freedom more, I believe, than being in prison. At least in prison I had my mobility. Now I only had it on a limited basis, the house in effect being my cell. I'm afraid, I wasn't the quickest learner on the blasted things. I lost track of the number of times I fell, sometimes dragging Joan with me when she tried to catch me. Fortunately we didn't have a lot of breakables, or I would have likely destroyed them all in the first week.

We had a serious discussion about whether to leave the baby with me while she was at work or leave him with her mother. Of course I had to pretend that I would be happy to do so, but she saw through that right away. We were both able to save face by saying that my reduced mobility was the reason. The real reason of course being that she wasn't sure that I could do it.

So there I was in the place, with nobody to keep me company, just my records and my alcohol. The results I suppose were foreseeable. To make things worse I didn't seem to tolerate the medication that I had been prescribed, particularly the pain medications. The combination of these three things was almost my undoing.

Despite my best intentions I found that a good stiff drink, taken at regular intervals made a tolerable substitute for the medication. But as the days went on it seemed like the drinking increased, regardless of whether the pain was there or not. At first Joan was tolerant of it, and Jim, who had seen this before didn't say anything. But it wasn't long before we started to have difficulties. To both of their credit they understood I was having a rough patch, so they avoided a row when I would let them. But more and more I wouldn't let them avoid it, and the whole dynamic of the house began to change. It was no longer filled with music and laughter, instead it was filled with yelling and curses. Small wonder that no one wanted to visit anymore. If I had been in possession of my faculties, I wouldn't have wanted to be there either.

At first my leg had prevented me from sleeping comfortably in our bed, and Joan was afraid she would inadvertently hurt me. But now she didn't want me in her bed, saying she didn't sleep with drunks. Of course I denied it and told her she was just being "a selfish bitch". Of course that didn't advance my cause any, and rightfully so. Every time I went to the hospital, Joan would go with me. They would ask me how I was doing and how the pain was. I would give whatever answer that I thought would justify my behavior. The last couple of times I had gotten to the point that I no longer needed the crutches, but my behavior was if anything even worse. In both cases when the interview was over Joan stayed behind to talk to the doctor in private. The trip home from the last scheduled trip with the doctor was as quiet as DeBrym's morgue.

When we went into the house, she didn't bother holding the door for me, simply led the way toward the living room. I followed and as soon as she reached it, she turned around and in a quiet voice, but one that left no doubt as to its seriousness said. "Endeavour, you need to sit down, we are going to have a serious talk."

It wasn't hard to tell that she was upset, and I could imagine the reason. " about what?...first let me get a beer"

"No!, that's the problem, can't you see? I can't put up with the way you are letting alcohol get control of you again!"

"Oh, come on, it's not that bad. I just do it for the pain,"

"That's not what the doctors say, they say you're virtually healed, and that pain shouldn't be an issue."

"well what do they know, it's not their body."

"Well I know this, whatever the cause, I will NOT live with a drunk, and I won't subject my son to it. So you better think long and hard about what's important to you."

There was no doubt that she was serious, and that I had better take heed to her words. In fact I knew she was right. I had been sinking toward this point when she had unknowingly saved me by showing up on my doorstep after Ray had beaten her. It was only the need to help her that had reversed that decline, if only temporarily. Now at the first sign of trouble I was on the same path again.

"So what do you expect me to do?"

"get a handle on your drinking! I'm not saying don't ever drink, I understand the stress, remember I'm a coppers daughter….and another thing, Morse I don't want to be afraid that every day when you walk out the door, that I will get a phone call from the hospital,"

"You know it's a chance, it's part of the job!"

"Does it have to be part of YOUR job?"

"You of all people should know it is!"

"what I'm saying is – couldn't there be another way?"

"you expect me to work in a shop? -NO THANK YOU!"

"No, not at all, I know that isn't you. But how about another way?"

"and what might that be?"

"Remember why you were going to London?"

"believe me, I know exactly why I was going to London."

"well, wasn't part of it because you had made enemies who will never forgive or forget?"

"that was a part of it. … but only a part of it."

"ok, I won't push that….but those people still haven't forgotten, and as long as you are on the force, they never will."

"I understand that, but I can deal with it….I assume you have a point however."

"you may be able to deal with it, you have so far. But you have more to worry about then yourself now… if you want to, that is….why don't you go back to school, get your degree?"

If she had told me Martians had landed in the yard I couldn't have been more surprised…."what are you saying….how can I do that?"

"I don't know….but you're a smart guy….wouldn't that be better than sitting here, doing nothing but drinking?, waiting for them to find an excuse to get rid of you...because if you think you are going to keep doing that, while I have to sit here and watch, you are VERY wrong, we are out of here."

"so, just suppose I was able to do that, then what? It's not going to help me here."

"maybe not, but that's my point. It will give you many more options. I remember you telling me how impressed you were by that fellow you and dad met, who was involved with the minister early on, what was his name?"

"Dempsey"

"maybe that's something you would be interested in? I don't know what he does but it sounded like it was a bit different than murder and mayhem every day"

"I don't know exactly what he did either, don't know if I'd even be qualified, or how to go about it"

"you never will until you check. I'm just throwing it out there…it's up to you…. you just need to think about what's important to you. After all what else do you have to do right now?...I've got to get to work, after all somebody has to work around here."

And I did think about what she had said, while I was drinking the beer that I had been going to get. Of course that was only the first of several that afternoon. I didn't want to go back to school, a lot of time had passed, and I had been disillusioned when I left college., now you could add cynical to that list. Yet I had to admit there was a certain logic to what she had said. Could it be done, at my age, with my very limited finances, and where would I be able to find the time? I suppose I could begin to make some inquiries, at least that would show her I was trying to make an effort.

When she came home from work, I tried to be on my best behavior, helping as much as I knew how to do with dinner, which admittedly wasn't much. Afterwards I promised her that I would seriously investigate the issues she had raised that day. I couldn't promise anything but at least I would make the effort.

The following day I started making some inquiries, and quickly felt like I was trying to untie the gordian knot. It didn't take long to find out that yes it was possible for a former student to return to college. However nobody seemed to know the details as to what was required, how much money, how to go about a schedule, or anything. In short, I felt like I was tracking down leads in one of our most difficult cases. An additional complication was the need for secrecy. It wouldn't do for too many people in the force to know what I was up to, not even Strange at this point.

At the same time I was trying to track down the oh so elusive Dempsey. I remembered he had mentioned a Colonel Dollman, but whether that was his real name or a pseudonym I had no idea. Again it felt like one of our cases, but without the ability to call on additional resources for help.

The upside of all this was that it did make for some interesting pillow talk with Joan, who I think was surprised – and pleased that I was pursuing it. In the meantime I had gone back to work, and Joan probably thought I would forget the whole exercise. But she hadn't counted on my determination once I got stuck in to something.

Eventually I found that I could be accepted back into college, and as a veteran, as well as a serving police officer, most of the fees would be paid. So now it was turnabout. It was my turn to ask Joan whether she was willing to make the sacrifice that it would take for me to both work and return to college on a nights and weekends basis. It wasn't a surprise to me that she was willing, and we began to make plans for me to enter for the Michaelmas term. Of course, money which had never been abundant, would be even tighter, but if I gave up my drinking, by and large, we could barely squeak by. That didn't seem as if it bothered Joan at all, which was good since it was her idea. As for myself, I couldn't admit it, certainly not to her, but I was excited. All those years ago I had failed, largely because of a woman. Now I was going back again, because of the influence of a woman, one of the ironies of life I suppose.

When I had been younger it had seemed so hard, everything was so important to me then. Now looking back on it I wanted to laugh, or as close to it as I could come. The problems back then had been nothing, the delusions of a young fool who so easily threw away his chances on a dream. Now it was an attempt to redeem myself, before it was too late. And in doing so to save myself and provide a real future for the woman I loved and her child. But it was hard, so very hard, for all of us. Did I believe that I was unique from those around in those classes, night after night? No, other than in age and except perhaps that I had seen a part of life that most of them had not.

Before Joan had returned from Leamington I had often slept the night away in a chair, a glass in my hand and an empty bottle on the table. Now, she often woke me at the kitchen table, face down in a text book, and led me to our bed. Only on Sunday was there time to spend with her and the boy, time I found increasingly precious. Strange was a good friend and kept our secret to himself, but inevitably the secret slowly spread throughout the station. Inspector Thursday would occasionally ask how it was going, and Mister Bright mentioned one time that I appeared to be losing weight again.

At the same time I hadn't lost sight of trying to track down "Dempsey" or determine the agency that he worked for. Since I didn't have time to do everything, I enlisted Joan to help me with this project. Making phone calls, asking questions, etc., tasks that she seemed to relish and was quite good at. Of course she found it maddening that she couldn't find the answers immediately, something I found ironic. Patience didn't seem to be a virtue that ran evenly through her family.

Then one afternoon I came home from work, with as usual just enough time to swallow down a sandwich before rushing off to class. She was all excited "Endeavour, wait I've got something I need to tell you!"

"I've got to go, I'll be late; can't it wait until I get home?"

"Listen, some man came into work today, asking for me."

"An eye for beauty then.."

"Listen to me….he handed me an envelope, said "for you and your friend, please see that he gets it", tipped his hat and left."

"And, it's two tickets for a private box during the performance at the Sheldonian tomorrow night.!"

"What? Who was it? What else did he say?"

"Never seen him before in my life, and he didn't say anything. What's this all about?"

The only thing I could possibly think of was that our questions were starting to have the desired effect. That somebody wanted to meet us, for some reason.

"hmmm, what have you got to wear? I'll have to get a tuxedo…now I have to go, see you later."

The next day I told Inspector Thursday I had to take off from work for a half a day, he looked at me kind of oddly, I suppose because I seldom took time away from work. Regardless, I had the time coming and he had no real alternative but to let me go. As soon as I got off, I went to a shop I knew. They both sold and rented quality tuxedo's and I had made the acquaintance of the owner. He felt he owed me a favor because the inspector had convinced me not to involve him in an investigation several years before. He was happy to provide a very nice piece, well fitted, that I could borrow for the evening. Joan, I knew was on a similar mission that afternoon.

When I got home, she was already there getting ready for the evening. Despite her head start I was ready long before she was. However when she was ready it was quite worth the wait. It had been a long time since she had the opportunity to get really dressed up, in fact I could never recall her in formal wear. It's an overworked phrase but she was indeed a vision, even though I knew every inch of her, I'd never seem a woman so beautiful. Of course I was admittedly biased

En route to the Sheldonian we tried to anticipate what, or who, we would find. Who were these unknown benefactors? When we arrived, we spent a few minutes trying to see if there was anyone that we recognized. There wasn't anyone of note to see outside of a few local dignitaries to whom we were invisible, no one stood out. As time for the show was nearing, we decide to go in to our seats. An usher directed us to the box and showed us to our seats. I was a bit surprised, as was Joan I think, that there was no one there. We exchanged glances and just settled down to enjoy the show.

Just as the curtain was starting to come up the door opened and we were joined by a well-groomed gentleman, perhaps in his early forties, escorting a striking brunette, obviously slightly younger than himself. Somewhat to my surprise he extended his hand and greeted us as old friends "Endeavour, how are you old man?" Then turning to Joan, "and you must be his friend Joan, so good to finally meet you!" "Thank you for joining us this evening."

Since I had never laid eyes on either of them, I could only imagine a reason for this clandestine meeting. However they seated themselves as if they were joining old friends. The gentleman sat next to me, while his friend sat with Joan. The first words to me were "a mutual acquaintance sends his regards, and regrets that he couldn't join us this evening." I could see that the lady was similarly engaging Joan in small talk.

"and whom might that be?"

"You know him as Dempsey. Although others may know him by a different name."

"Of course" By now the play was well under way, and we could talk without inhibition.

"He regrets not being able to join us this evening, particularly since you and your friend have gone to so much trouble to try and meet him."

So that was what this was about. I could only wait to see how this was going to play out. "yes, he did make quite an impression."

"We are all curious as to why you both are trying so hard to make a connection?"

"Let's just say I'm looking to expand my horizons."

"Admirable, I understand that you have recently gone back to school,…. a wise move, one that many of your age wouldn't have taken. …..Am I to understand your ahh, friend, encouraged you to look at other, umm, opportunities?"

"she certainly suggested it."

"Again understandable, rehabilitation from an injury can be difficult, can it not? Idle hands and all that…." If it hadn't registered with me before it did now. Not only was I being interrogated but they knew a great deal about me, and I assume us,

"It has been a difficult period…..for both of us…perhaps her more than me."

"It seems she has born up well however."

"she's a very strong woman."

"she would have to be, now wouldn't she? Some of us can be ah, difficult…..to live with"

"sometimes we find the right person."

"I believe it was Cortez who when he landed in the New World burnt all his boats so his men couldn't go back…remember he had to succeed, not all of us are willing to pay the price."

"and your point is?"

"I hope you and your friend are aware of the entire picture"

"How can we possibly be?" He just looked at me and shrugged as if it was a rhetorical question.

Then to my surprise he joined the rest of the audience in applauding the end of the act. I hadn't realized he was watching it while carrying o a conversation with me. "Now listen old man, if you really want to talk to us, wait until the end of the term, and then we can talk…if you are still interested."

"How will I get in touch with you?"

"don't worry it can all be arranged."

"I don't mean to rude, but Susan and I have another engagement this evening." With that he stood, we shook hands, at the same time his friend "Susan" also got up, saying something else to Joan while he helped her with her wrap, and they left as quietly as unobtrusively as they had come.

On the way home Joan and I took the time to discuss the rather strange meeting we had just had. Joan's conversation with "Susan" had evidently been along very similar lines to mine. Letting her know how much they knew about us, and how little we knew about them. And there was no doubt that we had received a warning, delivered in a very urbane way to be sure, but a warning, nevertheless. The thing to do was continue along the path that we were committed to. There would be opportunities ahead, whether this was one of them remained to be seen. With that understanding I fell asleep that night, holding Joan's back to me, listening to the breathing of her son. Tomorrow would be another day.


End file.
